Chapter Six

As the Cloud Pirate descended, Mr Jamie thought that he might feel a little bit scared. It was hard to feel scared while he was doing his Fierce Face though, and even harder when he turned around and saw the Tickling Honda's Fierce Face. The Tickling Honda's Fierce Face looked like he was having a really massive poo, and when Mr Jamie started thinking about the Tickling Honda pooing he got the giggles, and while he tried to keep on looking fierce it was very difficult to look fierce and giggle at the same time. He kept his mouth tightly shut, but it was no good, he couldn't stop giggling, which meant that a very strange noise came out of his closed mouth. Sort of a "mmmmmoooooohoooooooommmmm", which is what happens if you try and laugh without opening your mouth.

Beth heard the "mmmmmoooohoooooommmm" noise, and turned round to look at Mr Jamie. Unfortunately Beth wasn't very good at turning around while standing up (particularly when standing in a cot which was flying through the air), which meant that she fell over and landed on her bottom. Then Mr Jamie started properly laughing because Beth looked so funny sat on her bottom with her legs pointed up in the air, and then Beth started laughing, firstly because she really liked the "mmmmooohoooommmm" noise that Mr Jamie had been making when he was trying not to giggle at the Tickling Honda looking like he was doing a poo, and secondly because she she just really liked laughing. Mr Jamie and Beth looked at each other and laughed like drains, until Mr Jamie fell over with all the laughing. The Tickling Honda looked at them and tried to look even fiercer, which made him look like he was having an even BIGGER poo, and Mr Jamie and Beth laughed, and laughed, and laughed. They laughed until their tummies hurt, and when they thought they could laugh no more they sat back up again ... and saw the Cloud Pirate IN THE COT WITH THEM.

Mr Jamie stopped laughing at once. Beth didn't. Beth laughed at everything though, even really silly things like when someone had ketchup on their face. Beth looked at the Cloud Pirate and laughed. The Cloud Pirate wasn't laughing at all. He was doing a Properly Fierce Face, not a pooing one like the Tickling Honda. Mr Jamie could see that, as well as his big beard, he had a big shiny silver sword which he kept in his belt. Mr Jamie thought he might like to have a sword belt like that. He only had his pants which he always had to tuck his sword into. That was okay, but it did mean that whenever you walked around you fell over the end of your sword. He didn't think the Cloud Pirate would have that problem.

Mr Jamie looked at the Tickling Honda to see if he was going to say anything to the Cloud Pirate, but he had stopped doing his Fierce Face and was now just doing a I'm A Bit Scared Face. Beth was still laughing - and didn't know how to talk, anyway, unless you wanted to say 'Hiya' a lot - so Mr Jamie thought he had better say something.

"Hello. Are you a Cloud Pirate?" Mr Jamie thought there was probably no harm in checking.

"Of COURSE I'm a Cloud Pirate." The Cloud Pirate didn't sound very happy at all.

"I'm Mr Jamie, and this is the Tickling Honda, and this is Beth. She's only a baby."

"Why is she laughing at me?"

"She's laughing because we thought the Tickling Honda looked like he was doing a poo, and then Beth fell over, and then I fell over, and then we all laughed and laughed until you came over here and scared us." Oops. Mr Jamie hadn't meant to say that he felt scared. Fortunately, the Cloud Pirate didn't seem to have noticed.

"So she's not laughing at me?"

"I'm not sure. She might be, but I don't think so. She's just Beth. She's a bit mad. Don't worry about her, Cloud Pirate."

The Cloud Pirate gave Beth a bit of a worried look, as if he thought she might be going to eat him. Beth stopped laughing, and stared at the Cloud Pirate, and suddenly shouted out "YABAYABAYABA" VERY loudly and grabbed the Cloud Pirate's beard.

Mr Jamie thought the Cloud Pirate would get out his sword and hit Beth with it, but instead he panicked, grabbed his beard, jumped up and ran over into the corner of the cot.

"Don't let her get me, don't let her get me." Mr Jamie thought the Cloud Pirate might even be crying a little bit. He was going to tell the Cloud Pirate not to worry about Beth, but then he thought it might be better to pretend that Beth was really, really scary.

Mr Jamie put on his fiercest, scariest voice. "You're right, you should be scared. Beth is VERY scary, and she likes to EAT Cloud Pirates. We've seen lots of Cloud Pirates on the way here, and ALL of them are now in Beth's tummy." Beth helpfully did a big burp at this point and the Cloud Pirate shook like a jelly and scrunched himself up in the corner of the cot.

"Don't let her get me, please don't let her get me. I don't want to be eaten." Beth licked her lips. Mr Jamie thought for a moment. Hmmmm. Maybe this was an opportunity to get rid of the Cloud Pirate and get some really cool Stuff.

"Well. Okay. I will make Beth not eat you, but you have to give us three things? Okay?" The Cloud Pirate nodded. "I need a big map, one which shows all of the islands on. Have you got one of those?" Mr Jamie looked fierce.

"Yes. Here you go. This is the biggest map I've got. It shows everything." The Cloud Pirate passed it over to Mr Jamie, who nodded in approval.

"Good. I also need your sword. It looks a bit too dangerous for you to be running around with." Mummy often said that to Mr Jamie when he had his sword in his pants.

"Here it is." The Cloud Pirate gave his sword to Mr Jamie. It was very heavy.

"Last of all ... I need your sword belt. Otherwise I won't have anything to put my sword into." Mr Jamie thougth the Cloud Pirate would say no to this, but Beth was starting to crawl towards him and so he just made a little 'meep' sound, unbuckled his belt and put it into Mr Jamie's hands.

"Is that everything? Can I go now?"

"You can go", said Mr Jamie, "but before you do, have you seen the Tickling Honda's island anywhere?" The Tickling Honda, who had been quiet up until this point, nodded in excitement.

"What's a Tickling Honda?", asked the Cloud Pirate.

"Oh ... never mind", said Mr Jamie. "Go on. Off you go." And the Cloud Pirate did. He climbed up his rope as fast as his little legs would carry him. Unfortunately, without his sword belt his trousers were too loose, and as he was about to step up into his boat they fell right down and you could SEE HIS PANTS. Mr Jamie and Beth thought this was very funny. So did the Tickling Honda, although he sighed a bit sadly.

"If only he had been a bit nearer to me. I could have tickled his bottom. I do miss tickling bottoms."

"NO, Tickling Honda. Now, come on. We need to have a look at this map and see if we can find your island. And I need you to help me put my sword belt on. Isn't it brilliant?"

Mr Jamie couldn't believe his success. They'd fought off the Cloud Pirate, they'd got a map to find the Tickling Honda's island, and he had the best sword and sword belt ever. This was turning out to be a BRILLIANT adventure.