The Tickling Honda drove really fast. Faster even than Mummy when she had her Angry Bottom and was all cross and grumpy with all the other cars driving next to them. Faster than Beth when you took her to the playground and she got all excited when she saw a slide. She would stomp up the steps as quickly as her little legs would carry her and then throw herself down it head first. This was what Mr Jamie did, only he was allowed to because he was a Bigger Boy who was very soon going to be going to school. Mummy got all worried when Beth did it and told her to slow down, but Beth would run back up the slide again and do her sneaky naughty face. Beth didn't like being told what to do.
Going down in the cot was a little bit like going down in a slide, actually, and it made Mr Jamie's tummy go all swooshy and splooshy. Beth thought it was brilliant. She stood up grabbing onto the cot bars and shouted VERY loudly "YABAYABAYABAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABA." Mr Jamie shook his head at her.
"Beth, shush. You need to be quiet. The Tickling Honda is going to make this cot go next to Mummy's car and then we are going to sneak out and get the sat nav so we can find our way to the Tickling Honda's island. You want to go and see his hammock don't you? And his statue of the big bottom?" Beth nodded. "Well then sit down and be as small and quiet as you possibly can, and then no one will know we are here." And Beth, incredibly, actually lay down and put her head down as though she was going to sleep and Mr Jamie covered her bottom up with his Ben 10 duvet. Beth always went to sleep with her bottom poking up in the air. Babies were weird like that.
Mr Jamie had only just got Beth to lie down when all of a sudden there was a big CRAAAAAASH sound and the cot stopped very suddenly. Beth did a surprised face but then remembered what she was meant to be doing and lay back down again quickly. Mr Jamie looked around.
"Oh well DONE Tickling Honda. That's Mummy's car just there, and the sat nav's right inside it. But how will we get it out? Mummy will have locked it, and she's probably lost her keys like she does usually so you can't even go in the house and borrow those instead. What shall we do?"
"What does a sat nav look like?" asked the Tickling Honda.
"It's square and black and grey with a bit of string on the side where Mummy plugs it in to make the man start talking. She keeps it in the special glove box in the front of the car."
"Okily dokily" said the Tickling Honda, and all of a sudden he was GONE. Where had he gone? Mr Jamie couldn't see him anywhere at all. Beth couldn't have eaten him because she was still being a good girl and lying down with her bottom in the air. He wasn't under Mr Jamie's Ben 10 duvet. He wasn't on the floor next to the cot. Mr Jamie was very worried. He wanted to shout out the Tickling Honda's name but he didn't want Mummy or Daddy coming out and finding them.
Suddenly Mr Jamie felt a funny tickling feeling next to his nose. It made him want to a-a-a-a-ATCHOO! Mr Jamie sneezed VERY loudly, and when he opened his eyes there was the Tickling Honda standing back next to him again ... HOLDING THE SAT NAV!
"Tickling Honda! Where did you go?!" Mr Jamie was so excited to see the Tickling Honda again that he almost forgot to be quiet.
"I just did some special Tickling Honda magic and made myself go all tiny and got inside the car through the keyhole. Then I opened the glove box and found the sat nav and came back out again with it. I tried to land on your bottom so I could give it a secret tickle but I missed and landed on your nose instead. You sneezed and that surprised me so I forgot to do the magic any more and now I'm big again."
"Wow." Mr Jamie was so surprised he almost didn't know what to say. "My mummy would like some of that magic to make her bottom go all small. Do you know how to work the sat nav?"
"I think so ..." The Tickling Honda turned on the sat nav and typed in Tickling Honda Island, and all of a sudden it lit up and the man started talking to them. "Turn - left - and - continue - for - four - hundred - miles."
"That is a LOT of miles", said Mr Jamie. "Me and Beth are hungry and thirsty. Can we have some milk and Plookies please."
"Of course", said the Tickling Honda, and passed them over two Plookies each. Their tummies sat and wobbled and the Tickling Honda turned the cot around and set off for his island. What WERE they going to find there?
Tuesday 24 April 2012
Monday 2 January 2012
Chapter Seven
Mr Jamie and the Tickling Honda opened up the map and laid it out on the bottom of the cot. Beth helpfully sat her bottom on one of the corners so it didn't blow away, although she did then lean over and start licking the map. The Tickling Honda looked a bit worried but Mr Jamie told him it was okay. Beth was always eating weird stuff, and as long as it wasn't something she could choke on then it didn't matter too much. (Although she'd once tried to eat her own poo, which was DISGUSTING. Babies were a bit mad like that.)
The map was quite old and the paper had gone brown and crinkly. There were lots and lots of islands drawn all over it, with some little letters next to them which Mr Jamie couldn't read (because he hadn't gone to school yet), but which he thought probably said what the island was called. Then there were some pictures of boats, and some pictures of trees, and some pictures of really scary looking sharks in the sea. Mr Jamie hoped that the Tickling Honda's island wasn't too near any of those.
"Tickling Honda, which one is your island?" Mr Jamie just hoped the Tickling Honda knew what his island was called. And also that he could read what the words on the map said. Otherwise they were going to be away from home for a long time, and he was a bit worried that the Tickling Honda wouldn't have enough nappies for Beth.
"Ummmmmm ... I'm not sure", said the Tickling Honda. Oh NO. Mr Jamie felt quite cross with the Tickling Honda. How could he not know what his island was called.
"Well now what are we going to do?", asked Mr Jamie. "We can't possibly go and see all of these islands. Beth is going to run out of nappies and Mummy and Daddy are going to be really really worried and very cross with you. Mummy will probably have her angry bottom, and you won't like that at all, will you?
"Oh no", said the Tickling Honda. "I definitely don't want to see your Mummy's angry bottom. That sounds really frightening. But I want to find my island. I want to go home and see my lovely hammock and my statue of the big bottom for tickling. I'm scared I might not ever see them again." And the Tickling Honda sat down in a heap and started to cry.
Mr Jamie didn't know what to do. Mummy and Daddy usually looked after people when they were crying. Mummy would give him or Beth a cuddle, and tell them not to be sad, and Daddy would sometimes sneakily tickle them so they would start laughing instead of crying. Mr Jamie wondered whether he should tickle the Tickling Honda, but he didn't know whether the Tickling Honda would like that. He might get even sadder because it was someone else doing the tickling, and because he didn't have his statue of the big bottom to tickle. Poor Tickling Honda.
Mr Jamie looked down at the map, which was now getting rather soggy, what with the Tickling Honda crying on it and Beth licking it. Mr Jamie used the corner of his Ben 10 duvet to dry it a bit, and as he did he saw something in the middle of the map. There was one island there, a really tiny one, and right next to it Mr Jamie could see a picture of a pig ... and a picture of a frog! Just like the Tickling Honda! Surely, surely, that had to be his island!
"Tickling Honda, Tickling Honda!" Mr Jamie was VERY excited. "Look! Look here! Does that look like your island?!" He pointed at the frog/pig island, and the Tickling Honda gave a big snotty sniff and looked over, wiping his eyes on the back of his frog leg.
"Yes! Yes it is! Oh WELL DONE Mr Jamie. That's definitely my island. Look at that big bottom in the middle of it there. That's my statue, that is, and just next to it is my hammock, and my little cave, and my big pile of Plookies. Oh, I miss it so much. Now we can go back there."
"Tickling Honda?" Mr Jamie was a bit confused. "I can see that's your island, and I can see it's there on the map ... but where are we on the map? Where is this cot now? How can we go and find your island if we don't know where we are now?"
The Tickling Honda looked very upset. "Oh no. You're right. We can only follow the map if we know where we are, and I don't know where we are at all. I'm never going to get home." And he burst into big snotty tears, all over again.
Mr Jamie didn't like seeing the Tickling Honda looking so sad, and he thought he had a plan which might work.
"Tickling Honda? If you can get this cot to go back down on the ground then I know what we can do. Mummy has a thing called a 'sat nav'. It's like a little man who sits in your car and tells you where to go. If we got the cot down on the ground we could find a sat nav, and then we could put it on the cot, and then we could ask the man to take us to your island. Is that a good plan?"
"I don't know what a sat nav is", said the Tickling Honda, "but that sounds like a brilliant plan. The only trouble is, we'll have to be very careful to make sure we don't get seen. I don't like being seen by people, in case they catch me and put me in a zoo. Do you think you can help me to hide?"
"Of course I can", said Mr Jamie. "I'm brilliant at hiding, and Beth is too, only sometimes she gets a bit shouty. That's okay though, we can just find her dummy and then she will be all quiet and sneaky while she has that and we can get the sat nav and then go again before anyone sees us."
"Brilliant", said the Tickling Honda. "Right then. Brace yourself shipmates. We're going DOWN." And with a shudder, and a strange magical shout from the Tickling Honda, the cot suddenly jolted into action and started plummeting down ... down ... down ...
The map was quite old and the paper had gone brown and crinkly. There were lots and lots of islands drawn all over it, with some little letters next to them which Mr Jamie couldn't read (because he hadn't gone to school yet), but which he thought probably said what the island was called. Then there were some pictures of boats, and some pictures of trees, and some pictures of really scary looking sharks in the sea. Mr Jamie hoped that the Tickling Honda's island wasn't too near any of those.
"Tickling Honda, which one is your island?" Mr Jamie just hoped the Tickling Honda knew what his island was called. And also that he could read what the words on the map said. Otherwise they were going to be away from home for a long time, and he was a bit worried that the Tickling Honda wouldn't have enough nappies for Beth.
"Ummmmmm ... I'm not sure", said the Tickling Honda. Oh NO. Mr Jamie felt quite cross with the Tickling Honda. How could he not know what his island was called.
"Well now what are we going to do?", asked Mr Jamie. "We can't possibly go and see all of these islands. Beth is going to run out of nappies and Mummy and Daddy are going to be really really worried and very cross with you. Mummy will probably have her angry bottom, and you won't like that at all, will you?
"Oh no", said the Tickling Honda. "I definitely don't want to see your Mummy's angry bottom. That sounds really frightening. But I want to find my island. I want to go home and see my lovely hammock and my statue of the big bottom for tickling. I'm scared I might not ever see them again." And the Tickling Honda sat down in a heap and started to cry.
Mr Jamie didn't know what to do. Mummy and Daddy usually looked after people when they were crying. Mummy would give him or Beth a cuddle, and tell them not to be sad, and Daddy would sometimes sneakily tickle them so they would start laughing instead of crying. Mr Jamie wondered whether he should tickle the Tickling Honda, but he didn't know whether the Tickling Honda would like that. He might get even sadder because it was someone else doing the tickling, and because he didn't have his statue of the big bottom to tickle. Poor Tickling Honda.
Mr Jamie looked down at the map, which was now getting rather soggy, what with the Tickling Honda crying on it and Beth licking it. Mr Jamie used the corner of his Ben 10 duvet to dry it a bit, and as he did he saw something in the middle of the map. There was one island there, a really tiny one, and right next to it Mr Jamie could see a picture of a pig ... and a picture of a frog! Just like the Tickling Honda! Surely, surely, that had to be his island!
"Tickling Honda, Tickling Honda!" Mr Jamie was VERY excited. "Look! Look here! Does that look like your island?!" He pointed at the frog/pig island, and the Tickling Honda gave a big snotty sniff and looked over, wiping his eyes on the back of his frog leg.
"Yes! Yes it is! Oh WELL DONE Mr Jamie. That's definitely my island. Look at that big bottom in the middle of it there. That's my statue, that is, and just next to it is my hammock, and my little cave, and my big pile of Plookies. Oh, I miss it so much. Now we can go back there."
"Tickling Honda?" Mr Jamie was a bit confused. "I can see that's your island, and I can see it's there on the map ... but where are we on the map? Where is this cot now? How can we go and find your island if we don't know where we are now?"
The Tickling Honda looked very upset. "Oh no. You're right. We can only follow the map if we know where we are, and I don't know where we are at all. I'm never going to get home." And he burst into big snotty tears, all over again.
Mr Jamie didn't like seeing the Tickling Honda looking so sad, and he thought he had a plan which might work.
"Tickling Honda? If you can get this cot to go back down on the ground then I know what we can do. Mummy has a thing called a 'sat nav'. It's like a little man who sits in your car and tells you where to go. If we got the cot down on the ground we could find a sat nav, and then we could put it on the cot, and then we could ask the man to take us to your island. Is that a good plan?"
"I don't know what a sat nav is", said the Tickling Honda, "but that sounds like a brilliant plan. The only trouble is, we'll have to be very careful to make sure we don't get seen. I don't like being seen by people, in case they catch me and put me in a zoo. Do you think you can help me to hide?"
"Of course I can", said Mr Jamie. "I'm brilliant at hiding, and Beth is too, only sometimes she gets a bit shouty. That's okay though, we can just find her dummy and then she will be all quiet and sneaky while she has that and we can get the sat nav and then go again before anyone sees us."
"Brilliant", said the Tickling Honda. "Right then. Brace yourself shipmates. We're going DOWN." And with a shudder, and a strange magical shout from the Tickling Honda, the cot suddenly jolted into action and started plummeting down ... down ... down ...
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