Chapter Three

Mr Jamie felt a bit worried. He wanted to help the Tickling Honda, but he didn't know if he was going to be able to. It was usually grown ups who were best at helping, like when you cut your knee and they went and found a plaster. Mr Jamie didn't even know where the plasters were kept.

"Shall I get my Daddy for you? He might be able to help. Or my Mummy? She'd be really good at helping. The only problem is that sometimes she has a grumpy bottom, and if it's too grumpy then you had better not go too near her or she won't be very nice at ALL."

Now the Tickling Honda looked worried.

"Um, no, I don't think that's a very good idea. I'm a bit scared of Mummies and Daddies. Besides, I don't think they're going to be able to help me. But you might …"


The Tickling Honda looked at Mr Jamie with big, sad, dark eyes. He looked a bit like Beth when you'd eaten the last bit of your piece of cake and forgotten to share any with her. Actually, Beth would sometimes bite your leg when you did that, but Mr Jamie didn't think the Tickling Honda was going to do any biting. Just in case, he pulled his Ben 10 duvet round himself and made sure Darth Vader was next to his bottom to fend off any Tickling Hondas.

"Okay then. I will try to help you, but you're not allowed to tickle my bottom at all. Okay?" Mr Jamie did his very fierce face, which was a little bit like the face he pulled when he was doing a poo.

"Okay." The Tickling Honda still looked a bit sad. "I do really like tickling bottoms though."

"I tell you what", said Mr Jamie - a sudden thought having occurred to him - "if you see my Mummy you can tickle her bottom instead. That might make it stop being a grumpy bottom, and then everyone would be happy. Is that a good idea?"

"Oh yes, that's a brilliant idea." The Tickling Honda did a little excited bounce, and in his excitement, bounced too hard and fell off the bed onto the floor with a CRASH.

Uh oh.

Mr Jamie and the Tickling Honda held their breath and waited. Suddenly the baby monitor in the corner made a bit of a crackling voice and then Mummy started talking on it. For a long time Mr Jamie hadn't believed it was actually Mummy: he'd thought it was The Other Mummy and he didn't like The Other Mummy at all. Then Mummy had showed him how it worked and now he knew it was really her.


"Jamie? What are you doing?"

"Ummm … ummm … ummm …" Mr Jamie and the Tickling Honda looked at each other. If Mummy came upstairs now she'd see the Tickling Honda straight away, and then they'd all be in REALLY big trouble. Mr Jamie thought quickly. "Ummm … I was having a poo, and then I wanted to read a book, but while I was getting onto the toilet the book fell on the floor and made a big noise and that's what it was and there aren't any Tickling Hondas up here AT ALL."

Oops.

Luckily, Mummy was obviously thinking about something else. "Fine, well get back into bed now and stop making a noise. You'll wake Beth up. Night night. Love you."

At that point, Mr Jamie heard a strange "eeep" sound from behind him. He turned his head round to see the Tickling Honda, still on the floor, but now with his bottom up in the air where Beth had woken up, stuck her hand through the bars of her cot and grabbed the Tickling Honda's pink pig tail. The Tickling Honda looked very scared. Beth looked like she wanted to eat him.

"No, Beth. No, no, no. Put the Tickling Honda down. He's not your breakfast. NO Beth." Mr Jamie was very worried. If Beth and the Tickling Honda made too much noise then Mummy would come upstairs, and then they would really be in trouble.

"Baaaa-ba-yyyaaaaaa-ba-BA!" Beth looked delighted and dropped the Tickling Honda before pulling herself up on the bars of her cot and talking to Mr Jamie. "Baaaaaa-ya-ba-ya-bbbbaaaa-YAAAAAA." Which Mr Jamie knew meant "I like this Tickling Honda, but I'm making sure he doesn't tickle my bottom".

"Sssshhhh Beth. Be quiet. We have to help the Tickling Honda." And incredibly Beth was quiet, and they both sat staring at the Tickling Honda while he told them what they needed to do.

"I live on a little island out in the middle of the sea. It's called Tickling Honda Island. Well, that's what I call it, because I'm the only one who lives there. I'm not sure what anyone else calls it. I don't think they even know it's there. It's a really nice island with lots of trees and sandy beaches so you can make sandcastles, and a big statue of a bottom so I can tickle it all day long. I've got a nice bed called a hammock, which hangs up from a tree, and a little cave to go in when it gets cold, and all different types of food. I love my little island."

The Tickling Honda looked a bit like he might cry. "Can we go and see your island?", asked Mr Jamie.

"Well, that's the trouble", said the Tickling Honda. "I want to go and see my island too, but I don't know where it is."

"What do you mean, you don't know where it is?", asked Mr Jamie. "Have you not got a treasure map? How did you get here?"

"That's just it", said the Tickling Honda. "I don't know. One moment I was fast asleep in my hammock, and the next thing I was outside your front door. I had a little look around to see if I could see the sea, but I couldn't, and so I've got no idea how I'm going to find my island. Then your Daddy opened the door, and I sneaked in behind his legs and hid in the cupboard under the stairs until no one was looking. Then I ran up the stairs and into your bedroom, and now here I am. And I want you to help me."

"You want ME to help you?" Mr Jamie felt very excited. He was good at helping people, and he really liked islands. And boats. And hammocks. Well, he didn't really know what a hammock was, but he was sure he'd like it, just as soon as he found out what it was.

"Yes please", said the Tickling Honda. "You, and Beth, if that's okay?"

"But Beth can't walk", said Mr Jamie. He thought it would be a bit silly to bring Beth with them. She'd just shout a lot, and girls were rubbish at looking for islands.

"No", said the Tickling Honda, "she can't. But she doesn't need to. Because we can all get inside her cot, and I'm going to make it FLY." And with that he shouted a few magic words (it sounded like "Tickly-Bottomy-Hondery", but Mr Jamie wasn't sure) … and Beth's cot lifted right up off the floor, a big pair of white wings sprouting out the sides, with Beth still inside it. Beth shrieked and dropped her dummy onto Mr Jamie's head with excitement. "Come on!", shouted the Tickling Honda. "Up you come!" And he grabbed Mr Jamie under his arm, did a big "boing boing OINK", and jumped right up in the air on his frog legs so that he and Mr Jamie landed right inside the cot with Beth. Mr Jamie had just had time to grab Darth Vader and his sword, which he thought might be useful if they met any pirates on the way.

"Ready?", said the Tickling Honda.

"READY!", shouted Mr Jamie. "Come on Beth. Let's go have an ADVENTURE."