Outside in the cot it was very cold, and very dark. Mr Jamie sat on the mattress and held Beth’s hand. She had fallen asleep almost as soon as they’d got outside; once the Tickling Honda had managed to squeeze the cot out of the window. Mr Jamie thought, if he was honest, that the Tickling Honda probably wasn’t actually a very good driver. They had only just made it out of the window in one piece, and now the Tickling Honda was sitting right on the edge of the side of the cot and shouting strange, magical, Tickling Hondary type words. He was getting a bit overexcited, and Mr Jamie thought that if Mummy was there she would probably have told him to calm down and have a sleep. He quite fancied a sleep, actually. He snuggled in next to Beth under his Ben 10 duvet, had a sneaky fart to warm his legs up, and then shut his eyes and imagined he was flying high up in the sky with the Tickling Honda ...
When he woke up Beth was sitting on his head. (He hoped she wasn’t having a poo.) She was talking to the Tickling Honda, who was sitting at the other end of the cot with his frog legs tucked under Mr Jamie’s Ben 10 duvet. He saw Mr Jamie open his eyes and waved.
“Morning! Did you sleep well?"
“Yes thank you”, said Mr Jamie. Or, at least, that’s what he tried to say. Because Beth was sitting on his head what he actually said was “Mmmff fannn ooo”, but the Tickling Honda seemed to understand anyway. Beth, noticing Mr Jamie was awake, shrieked in delight and fell off his head and onto the Tickling Honda, who picked her up and sat her down next to him.
“BAAAAAAAAAAA ba ba ga ba ga ba ba ba” said Beth to Mr Jamie, which he knew meant “I’m very happy to see you, and I’ve had some nice milk to drink, and sorry for sitting on your head and having a poo on it.”
Mr Jamie’s stomach growled like a big angry dog. The Tickling Honda heard it.
“Would you like some breakfast?”
“Yes please”, said Mr Jamie. “I’d like toast with red jam please. That’s what Mummy makes me.”
“Toast with red jam?”, said the Tickling Honda. “Urrrrrgggggggghhhh. DisGUSTing.”
“It’s NOT disgusting”, said Mr Jamie. “It is very nice INDEED.”
“Tickling Hondas don’t like red jam”, said the Tickling Honda. “It makes us fart a lot.”
Mr Jamie laughed a LOT. So did the Tickling Honda.
“What do you have to eat instead?”, asked Mr Jamie.
“We have Plookies”, said the Tickling Honda. “Plookies are the Tickling Honda’s favourite food.”
“What’s a Plookie?”, said Mr Jamie.
“Here you go”, said the Tickling Honda. And he put a Plookie into Mr Jamie’s hand. It looked a bit like a biscuit, and a bit like a cake, and a bit like a wobbly jelly. It was pink and brown, and it had shiny silver sparkles all over it, and it wobbled all over. Mr Jamie put it in his mouth and it wobbled right through his mouth, down his throat and into his tummy. Mr Jamie pulled up his top and looked at his tummy. It was wobbling like a jelly where the Plookie was inside it! And when Mr Jamie looked at the Tickling Honda and Beth ... they had wobbling Plookie-filled tummies too!
“I like Plookies”, said Mr Jamie. “Can I have another one?”
“In a bit”, said the Tickling Honda. “First of all we need to make a plan.”
It was a lovely day and the sun was shining down on the cot. Mr Jamie could see blue sky all around them, and some fluffy white clouds underneath instead of a floor. They looked a bit like sheep. Beth had seen them too, and stuck her hand out between the cot bars and grabbed a bit of cloud. Before Mr Jamie or the Tickling Honda could stop her she shoved it in her mouth and swallowed it all down. Mr Jamie was a bit worried in case she choked, but she did a big smile and then had a burp. Beth liked eating clouds.
“Right then”, said the Tickling Honda. “What shall we do?”
Mr Jamie was a bit shocked. How did he know what to do? It was the Tickling Honda who had brought them up here and made Beth’s cot fly and put them up in the sky. Mr Jamie was only threenearlyfour. He didn’t know what they should do next.
“Ummm ... shall we find your island? So you can go back and see your hammock?” Mr Jamie really wanted to find out what a hammock was.
“That’s a very good idea”, said the Tickling Honda. “The only problem is, I don’t know where we are. We flew all this way in the dark, and now I’m a bit lost.”
“We got lost because of your stupid driving”, thought Mr Jamie, although he didn’t say this to the Tickling Honda. He didn’t want the Tickling Honda to get upset. Mummy got lost quite a lot, usually when she didn’t listen to the man talking inside her car telling her which way to go and decided to try and find her way there all by herself. Then they would stay in the car for a very long time, until Mr Jamie really needed a wee but they had to find their house first. Mummy wasn’t very good at listening.
“I know!”, said Mr Jamie. “We need a map. Pirates always use maps when they’re looking for treasure. Shall we go and find a map.”
“That’s a brilliant idea”, said the Tickling Honda. “Right then shipmates! About turn! Forward bound! Let’s hunt out a map, and then we’ll ... uh oh.”
“Then we’ll uh oh?”, said Mr Jamie. “What do you mean, then we’ll uh oh? What’s an uh oh?”
The Tickling Honda didn’t say anything. He just pointed. And Mr Jamie, and even little Beth, turned their heads, and looked out the side of the cot, and saw, through the clouds, coming towards them ...
Showing posts with label pirates. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pirates. Show all posts
Tuesday, 27 December 2011
Chapter Three
Mr Jamie felt a bit worried. He wanted to help the Tickling Honda, but he didn't know if he was going to be able to. It was usually grown ups who were best at helping, like when you cut your knee and they went and found a plaster. Mr Jamie didn't even know where the plasters were kept.
"Shall I get my Daddy for you? He might be able to help. Or my Mummy? She'd be really good at helping. The only problem is that sometimes she has a grumpy bottom, and if it's too grumpy then you had better not go too near her or she won't be very nice at ALL."
Now the Tickling Honda looked worried.
"Um, no, I don't think that's a very good idea. I'm a bit scared of Mummies and Daddies. Besides, I don't think they're going to be able to help me. But you might …"
The Tickling Honda looked at Mr Jamie with big, sad, dark eyes. He looked a bit like Beth when you'd eaten the last bit of your piece of cake and forgotten to share any with her. Actually, Beth would sometimes bite your leg when you did that, but Mr Jamie didn't think the Tickling Honda was going to do any biting. Just in case, he pulled his Ben 10 duvet round himself and made sure Darth Vader was next to his bottom to fend off any Tickling Hondas.
"Okay then. I will try to help you, but you're not allowed to tickle my bottom at all. Okay?" Mr Jamie did his very fierce face, which was a little bit like the face he pulled when he was doing a poo.
"Okay." The Tickling Honda still looked a bit sad. "I do really like tickling bottoms though."
"I tell you what", said Mr Jamie - a sudden thought having occurred to him - "if you see my Mummy you can tickle her bottom instead. That might make it stop being a grumpy bottom, and then everyone would be happy. Is that a good idea?"
"Oh yes, that's a brilliant idea." The Tickling Honda did a little excited bounce, and in his excitement, bounced too hard and fell off the bed onto the floor with a CRASH.
Uh oh.
Mr Jamie and the Tickling Honda held their breath and waited. Suddenly the baby monitor in the corner made a bit of a crackling voice and then Mummy started talking on it. For a long time Mr Jamie hadn't believed it was actually Mummy: he'd thought it was The Other Mummy and he didn't like The Other Mummy at all. Then Mummy had showed him how it worked and now he knew it was really her.
"Jamie? What are you doing?"
"Ummm … ummm … ummm …" Mr Jamie and the Tickling Honda looked at each other. If Mummy came upstairs now she'd see the Tickling Honda straight away, and then they'd all be in REALLY big trouble. Mr Jamie thought quickly. "Ummm … I was having a poo, and then I wanted to read a book, but while I was getting onto the toilet the book fell on the floor and made a big noise and that's what it was and there aren't any Tickling Hondas up here AT ALL."
Oops.
Luckily, Mummy was obviously thinking about something else. "Fine, well get back into bed now and stop making a noise. You'll wake Beth up. Night night. Love you."
At that point, Mr Jamie heard a strange "eeep" sound from behind him. He turned his head round to see the Tickling Honda, still on the floor, but now with his bottom up in the air where Beth had woken up, stuck her hand through the bars of her cot and grabbed the Tickling Honda's pink pig tail. The Tickling Honda looked very scared. Beth looked like she wanted to eat him.
"No, Beth. No, no, no. Put the Tickling Honda down. He's not your breakfast. NO Beth." Mr Jamie was very worried. If Beth and the Tickling Honda made too much noise then Mummy would come upstairs, and then they would really be in trouble.
"Baaaa-ba-yyyaaaaaa-ba-BA!" Beth looked delighted and dropped the Tickling Honda before pulling herself up on the bars of her cot and talking to Mr Jamie. "Baaaaaa-ya-ba-ya-bbbbaaaa-YAAAAAA." Which Mr Jamie knew meant "I like this Tickling Honda, but I'm making sure he doesn't tickle my bottom".
"Sssshhhh Beth. Be quiet. We have to help the Tickling Honda." And incredibly Beth was quiet, and they both sat staring at the Tickling Honda while he told them what they needed to do.
"I live on a little island out in the middle of the sea. It's called Tickling Honda Island. Well, that's what I call it, because I'm the only one who lives there. I'm not sure what anyone else calls it. I don't think they even know it's there. It's a really nice island with lots of trees and sandy beaches so you can make sandcastles, and a big statue of a bottom so I can tickle it all day long. I've got a nice bed called a hammock, which hangs up from a tree, and a little cave to go in when it gets cold, and all different types of food. I love my little island."
The Tickling Honda looked a bit like he might cry. "Can we go and see your island?", asked Mr Jamie.
"Well, that's the trouble", said the Tickling Honda. "I want to go and see my island too, but I don't know where it is."
"What do you mean, you don't know where it is?", asked Mr Jamie. "Have you not got a treasure map? How did you get here?"
"That's just it", said the Tickling Honda. "I don't know. One moment I was fast asleep in my hammock, and the next thing I was outside your front door. I had a little look around to see if I could see the sea, but I couldn't, and so I've got no idea how I'm going to find my island. Then your Daddy opened the door, and I sneaked in behind his legs and hid in the cupboard under the stairs until no one was looking. Then I ran up the stairs and into your bedroom, and now here I am. And I want you to help me."
"You want ME to help you?" Mr Jamie felt very excited. He was good at helping people, and he really liked islands. And boats. And hammocks. Well, he didn't really know what a hammock was, but he was sure he'd like it, just as soon as he found out what it was.
"Yes please", said the Tickling Honda. "You, and Beth, if that's okay?"
"But Beth can't walk", said Mr Jamie. He thought it would be a bit silly to bring Beth with them. She'd just shout a lot, and girls were rubbish at looking for islands.
"No", said the Tickling Honda, "she can't. But she doesn't need to. Because we can all get inside her cot, and I'm going to make it FLY." And with that he shouted a few magic words (it sounded like "Tickly-Bottomy-Hondery", but Mr Jamie wasn't sure) … and Beth's cot lifted right up off the floor, a big pair of white wings sprouting out the sides, with Beth still inside it. Beth shrieked and dropped her dummy onto Mr Jamie's head with excitement. "Come on!", shouted the Tickling Honda. "Up you come!" And he grabbed Mr Jamie under his arm, did a big "boing boing OINK", and jumped right up in the air on his frog legs so that he and Mr Jamie landed right inside the cot with Beth. Mr Jamie had just had time to grab Darth Vader and his sword, which he thought might be useful if they met any pirates on the way.
"Ready?", said the Tickling Honda.
"READY!", shouted Mr Jamie. "Come on Beth. Let's go have an ADVENTURE."
"Shall I get my Daddy for you? He might be able to help. Or my Mummy? She'd be really good at helping. The only problem is that sometimes she has a grumpy bottom, and if it's too grumpy then you had better not go too near her or she won't be very nice at ALL."
Now the Tickling Honda looked worried.
"Um, no, I don't think that's a very good idea. I'm a bit scared of Mummies and Daddies. Besides, I don't think they're going to be able to help me. But you might …"
The Tickling Honda looked at Mr Jamie with big, sad, dark eyes. He looked a bit like Beth when you'd eaten the last bit of your piece of cake and forgotten to share any with her. Actually, Beth would sometimes bite your leg when you did that, but Mr Jamie didn't think the Tickling Honda was going to do any biting. Just in case, he pulled his Ben 10 duvet round himself and made sure Darth Vader was next to his bottom to fend off any Tickling Hondas.
"Okay then. I will try to help you, but you're not allowed to tickle my bottom at all. Okay?" Mr Jamie did his very fierce face, which was a little bit like the face he pulled when he was doing a poo.
"Okay." The Tickling Honda still looked a bit sad. "I do really like tickling bottoms though."
"I tell you what", said Mr Jamie - a sudden thought having occurred to him - "if you see my Mummy you can tickle her bottom instead. That might make it stop being a grumpy bottom, and then everyone would be happy. Is that a good idea?"
"Oh yes, that's a brilliant idea." The Tickling Honda did a little excited bounce, and in his excitement, bounced too hard and fell off the bed onto the floor with a CRASH.
Uh oh.
Mr Jamie and the Tickling Honda held their breath and waited. Suddenly the baby monitor in the corner made a bit of a crackling voice and then Mummy started talking on it. For a long time Mr Jamie hadn't believed it was actually Mummy: he'd thought it was The Other Mummy and he didn't like The Other Mummy at all. Then Mummy had showed him how it worked and now he knew it was really her.
"Jamie? What are you doing?"
"Ummm … ummm … ummm …" Mr Jamie and the Tickling Honda looked at each other. If Mummy came upstairs now she'd see the Tickling Honda straight away, and then they'd all be in REALLY big trouble. Mr Jamie thought quickly. "Ummm … I was having a poo, and then I wanted to read a book, but while I was getting onto the toilet the book fell on the floor and made a big noise and that's what it was and there aren't any Tickling Hondas up here AT ALL."
Oops.
Luckily, Mummy was obviously thinking about something else. "Fine, well get back into bed now and stop making a noise. You'll wake Beth up. Night night. Love you."
At that point, Mr Jamie heard a strange "eeep" sound from behind him. He turned his head round to see the Tickling Honda, still on the floor, but now with his bottom up in the air where Beth had woken up, stuck her hand through the bars of her cot and grabbed the Tickling Honda's pink pig tail. The Tickling Honda looked very scared. Beth looked like she wanted to eat him.
"No, Beth. No, no, no. Put the Tickling Honda down. He's not your breakfast. NO Beth." Mr Jamie was very worried. If Beth and the Tickling Honda made too much noise then Mummy would come upstairs, and then they would really be in trouble.
"Baaaa-ba-yyyaaaaaa-ba-BA!" Beth looked delighted and dropped the Tickling Honda before pulling herself up on the bars of her cot and talking to Mr Jamie. "Baaaaaa-ya-ba-ya-bbbbaaaa-YAAAAAA." Which Mr Jamie knew meant "I like this Tickling Honda, but I'm making sure he doesn't tickle my bottom".
"Sssshhhh Beth. Be quiet. We have to help the Tickling Honda." And incredibly Beth was quiet, and they both sat staring at the Tickling Honda while he told them what they needed to do.
"I live on a little island out in the middle of the sea. It's called Tickling Honda Island. Well, that's what I call it, because I'm the only one who lives there. I'm not sure what anyone else calls it. I don't think they even know it's there. It's a really nice island with lots of trees and sandy beaches so you can make sandcastles, and a big statue of a bottom so I can tickle it all day long. I've got a nice bed called a hammock, which hangs up from a tree, and a little cave to go in when it gets cold, and all different types of food. I love my little island."
The Tickling Honda looked a bit like he might cry. "Can we go and see your island?", asked Mr Jamie.
"Well, that's the trouble", said the Tickling Honda. "I want to go and see my island too, but I don't know where it is."
"What do you mean, you don't know where it is?", asked Mr Jamie. "Have you not got a treasure map? How did you get here?"
"That's just it", said the Tickling Honda. "I don't know. One moment I was fast asleep in my hammock, and the next thing I was outside your front door. I had a little look around to see if I could see the sea, but I couldn't, and so I've got no idea how I'm going to find my island. Then your Daddy opened the door, and I sneaked in behind his legs and hid in the cupboard under the stairs until no one was looking. Then I ran up the stairs and into your bedroom, and now here I am. And I want you to help me."
"You want ME to help you?" Mr Jamie felt very excited. He was good at helping people, and he really liked islands. And boats. And hammocks. Well, he didn't really know what a hammock was, but he was sure he'd like it, just as soon as he found out what it was.
"Yes please", said the Tickling Honda. "You, and Beth, if that's okay?"
"But Beth can't walk", said Mr Jamie. He thought it would be a bit silly to bring Beth with them. She'd just shout a lot, and girls were rubbish at looking for islands.
"No", said the Tickling Honda, "she can't. But she doesn't need to. Because we can all get inside her cot, and I'm going to make it FLY." And with that he shouted a few magic words (it sounded like "Tickly-Bottomy-Hondery", but Mr Jamie wasn't sure) … and Beth's cot lifted right up off the floor, a big pair of white wings sprouting out the sides, with Beth still inside it. Beth shrieked and dropped her dummy onto Mr Jamie's head with excitement. "Come on!", shouted the Tickling Honda. "Up you come!" And he grabbed Mr Jamie under his arm, did a big "boing boing OINK", and jumped right up in the air on his frog legs so that he and Mr Jamie landed right inside the cot with Beth. Mr Jamie had just had time to grab Darth Vader and his sword, which he thought might be useful if they met any pirates on the way.
"Ready?", said the Tickling Honda.
"READY!", shouted Mr Jamie. "Come on Beth. Let's go have an ADVENTURE."
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