Chapter Two

… a VERY strange thing happened.

Beth was fast asleep in her cot and Mummy and Daddy were having their dinner downstairs. He was the only one awake upstairs, which is why it was so very strange that he could suddenly hear a noise coming up the stairs. Mr Jamie listened very carefully. It sounded a bit like a bouncy sound - kind of a 'boing, boing' - and then almost like a pig was coming up the stairs. "Oink … oink … boing … boing … boing boing OINK, boing boing OINK." It almost sounded like it could be … the Tickling Honda. But that would be silly. Tickling Hondas weren't real. They were just in stories. Like monsters, and hobbits, and hairy toes.

Mr Jamie hid almost completely under the duvet until only his nose and one eye was poking out. It was a Ben 10 duvet. He loved Ben 10. He hadn't ever actually seen Ben 10 on the TV, but that wasn't the point. Ben 10 was COOL, and so was Mr Jamie. And he had a watch and everything.

With the one eye poking out Mr Jamie watched the gate at the top of the stairs. If something was coming up the stairs then it would have to come through that first. And Mr Jamie was prepared. He had his knight's cloak under his bed, and his sword just on the pillow next to him. Plus he had Darth Vader, the Storm Troopers, and the entire Millenium Falcon. No baddies were going to get past all of them, no way. (Admittedly, having a sword, a spaceship, and a load of Star Wars men in bed with him did mean that Mr Jamie didn't have very much room, and quite often ended up with Darth Vader sticking into the side of his bottom. But that was okay. At least he was prepared for moments like this.)

Mr Jamie watched … and watched … and watched. He couldn't hear the "boing boing OINK"ing noise any more, and the eye under the duvet had already gone to sleep. The eye poking out was just about to join it (along with his nose) and go to sleep too, when all of a sudden ..

"BOING BOING OINK OINK OINK OINK BOING BOING OINK!" And, with a thud, Something jumped onto Mr Jamie's middle and gave him the fright of his life.

Mr Jamie was about to scream, but decided that Ben 10 wouldn't scream if something jumped on his middle. Ben 10 would have a look and find out what the Something was, and then he'd decide which one of his weapons he was going to use to fight it. And Mr Jamie wasn't scared. He had Darth Vader and almost twenty Storm Troopers on his side. AND his sword. Ha, Something. Take THAT.

Cautiously, and ever, ever so carefully, Mr Jamie peered over the top of his Ben 10 duvet and looked down at his middle.

And there sat the Tickling Honda.

Mr Jamie knew it was the Tickling Honda straight away. Not only did he have big long green legs like a frog, he also had a big pink hairy tummy like a pig and a little curly tail. His eyes were all big and wide apart like a frog and he had a funny pig nose which was sniffing around in the air. And he smelt BAD. Worse than Beth, when she'd done one of her really big stinky poos which had leaked out of her nappy and gone all over her trousers. Worse even than Jabba the Hut, who everyone knew smelt really bad because he liked to EAT poo (disguuuuuuuuuuusting). And this smelly, bouncy, Tickling Honda was now sitting in the middle of Mr Jamie's Ben 10 duvet and making a very funny face.

"Are you the Tickling Honda?", said Mr Jamie.

"Yes I am", said the Tickling Honda. His voice was a bit growly, and a bit rumbly, but also a bit grunty like a pig. It made Mr Jamie laugh. "Why are you laughing at me?"

"Sorry", said Mr Jamie. "It was just a little bit of a laugh because you've got a funny voice."

"So have you", said the Tickling Honda, which made Mr Jamie go a bit quiet. "And anyway. How did you know I was the Tickling Honda?"

"Because you're like a frog and a pig and you came up the stairs going 'boing boing OINK' and then you jumped onto my middle because you want to get to my bottom and tickle it, only I'm not going to let you because Darth Vader is next to my bottom and he'll get you with his light saver if you go anywhere near him." And he did a very fierce look at the Tickling Honda.

"You mean light saber", said the Tickling Honda.

"What?" Mr Jamie knew he should have said pardon, not what, but the excitement of meeting the Tickling Honda had got him all flustered.

"Light saber. Darth Vader's got a light saber, not a light saver."

"Oh", said Mr Jamie. "Do you like Darth Vader?"

"Not really", said the Tickling Honda. "He's a baddy, and I don't like the baddies. I only like the goodies."

"Oh", said Mr Jamie. He was a bit shocked by this. The Tickling Honda was a boy, and all boys liked baddies. "Are you a girl?"

"Do I look like a girl?" said the Tickling Honda.

"Ummmm … I don't know", said Mr Jamie. You look like a frog and pig, is what he wanted to say, but he didn't think the Tickling Honda would like that.

"Well, I'm not a girl. I'm a boy, a boy Tickling Honda, although there's only one of me. You don't get girl Tickling Hondas. I don't think you get any other Tickling Hondas at all, in fact."

"That's a bit sad", said Mr Jamie. "Have you not got any friends?"

"No", said the Tickling Honda. "I haven't. I've never had a friend."

"I'll be your friend", said Mr Jamie. "You can be my best friend, well, apart from Reece, and Annabel, and James, and big James, and Harry. But apart from them. We're best friends now."

"Oh", said the Tickling Honda. "Thank you. You're my first ever friend."

"That's okay," said Mr Jamie, "only now we're friends you're not allowed to tickle my bottom."

The Tickling Honda looked VERY sad.

"Why are you sad? Do you like tickling bottoms?"

"Of course I like tickling bottoms. I'm a Tickling Honda."

"Tickling Honda? Where is your home? Why are you sitting on my bed? And why are you so smelly?" Mr Jamie was still very confused.

"Ah. Well, that's the thing you see. I've got a bit of a problem … and I need your help."